after making that post i was sitting here really unsatisfied with myself and i felt better again after a few minutes, so i decided to try it again. It was still not perfect but I feel good about myself that i didn’t just leave it at how it was and that i actually went back and did it again.
I really dont know what’s wrong with me today. I just did the worst day i’ve done of 30 day shred. I’ve been feeling flu-like for the past few days so i’ve put it off. Today I felt fine but half way through i started trembling uncontrollably and fighting for my breath. I worked through the last bit very poorly and now i feel feverish and like i’ve been hit by a truck… seriously what is this?! I’m so disappointed in myself. I was so ready to go half an hour ago….
I focus every day on eating better, I constantly think about it and at times it seems kind of annoying and stressful to care so much but I’m literally at the point in my life when I can’t stop, I HAVE to do this. I’ve sat around for so many years saying I would and doing little things but this time I’m full committed, doing things I never really thought I would. Things I didnt mentally think I could because I was so lazy, I still am lazy but I’m getting better every day. I think about the food I’m putting into my body now, not even just the calories. Yeah, I’ll still eat a few of my favorite carbs but you know what? Going out with my friends and eating 2 slices of pizza wont kill me and I’ve even adventured out to greek pizza with feta cheese and tomatoes instead of just pepperoni. So yeah, I’m proud of myself, I’m gonna keep going and one day I’ll be completely where I want to be, and I’ll keep it there. :)
All of this. I’m so proud of Sam and myself. I know i’m not perfect right now, and i know i still have a long way to go to be where i want to be. But the fact that at lunch today when my manager ordered us pizza as a welcome back for another staff member i had one slice instead of the three i would have regularly eaten without a second thought says a lot about how my mindset and thought has changed. I managed to still indulge in something but filled up on my rice cakes and health snacks i had taken instead of going overboard with junk. I’m very content in the thought that i am doing something, like Sam said, i was too lazy to do before.
